Charade

There's a funny thing everyone has to do sooner or later. It's the visa run. Your visa expires, and if you want to stay in Thailand, you have to cross a border for five minutes and then come back. One of the easiest places to do it is just across the river from Ranong, in Myanmar. There's a whole service set up for you. You get the night boat to Suratthani and as soon as you're off the boat, you avoid the Boat Nazi who's shouting "Ranong, Ranong!" and say, Mrs. Da? And Mrs. Da is right there and waves at you and gestures to one of her men, who escorts you to the minibus. The minibus takes you to her shop, wher you pay her and she serves you a cup of tea and a little sandwich, then you're off across the Isthsmus of Kra to Ranong. After he tucks a bottle of water and a candybar into your pocket, the driver takes you straight to Thai immigration where you get stamped out, back to the bus, straight to the port. Ushered into one of hundreds of longtails doing the same thing, you whisk across the river to a Burmese waystation, where your driver collects your passports and five dollar bribe(provided by your driver to you) and gets the whole boat of you stamped through in about three minutes, and then off to the Burmese town of Kotao. In Kotao, you have five minutes. Not that more time would get you much, since you're not allowed to leave the town limits with this particular border visa. In those five minutes, a number of Burmese gentlemen will attempt to sell you cheap Viagra, Valium, lawnmower-grade whiskey, and cardboard cigarettes. Whoosh, back across the border you go, straight back to Thai immigration where you receive a stamp worth another thirty days, and you're on your way back to Suratthani. While waiting for the ferry back to Pha Ngan, one of Mrs. Da's men gives you a little styrofoam container of freshly-made fried rice, and you're almost done. All of this orchestration and direction provided for the princely sum of 1200 baht. It includes everything, all exit fees, visa fees, boat tickets, food, everything. Time elapsed. twenty hours, start to finish. But STAY AWAY FROM THE BOAT NAZI. She provides a related service but will try to rip you off and lie to you and misdirect you to make you miss your boat and have to buy another ticket from her. Someone, some thai tourism businessmen, are going to put a bullet into her one of these days. She has pissed off everyone this side of Singapore, from what I hear. And she's hurting business in Suratthani, Pha Ngan, Samui, Tao, and who knows where else. So in anycase. That's done.